Unbound Mind Therapy And Wellness

Psychotherapy and counseling in a safe supportive space for healing and growth

Category: Helpful Insights

Helpful insights and practical strategies to help you better understand and navigate everyday emotional and psychosocial challenges.

  • Read This If You Have Low Self-Esteem

    Read This If You Have Low Self-Esteem

    Read This If You Have Low Self-Esteem

    Low self-esteem is often the presenting problem of a deeper issue, whose roots are very deeply embedded into a person’s internal system. Nobody is born with low self-esteem. It is often a person’s environment and life experiences that makes people develop a low sense of self worth. For example, bullying, multiple breakups, negative body image, rejection or abandonment by a caregiver or a loved one, comparison, and challenging life experiences like unemployment.

    Low self-esteem is exacerbated and maintained by the relationship we have with ourselves. When you wake up in the morning, what do you tell yourself? When you go to bed, what do you tell yourself about the day you just had? “You are such an embarrassment!” “Oh, you look horrible as always!” “You will never amount to anything!” “You’re so dumb! No wonder you can’t keep a job!” “You are unworthy!” “Nobody will ever love you!”

    The thing about the human brain is that it amplifies whatever inputs you consistently give it. If you keep telling yourself you are unworthy, your brain is going to keep giving you evidence to support your beliefs. But is this really evidence that you are unworthy? Absolutely not.

    You see, if you believe you are unworthy, you are likely going to present yourself as someone who is. For instance, always sitting at the back of the room to avoid being noticed, being too sacred to voice your opinions, failing to prioritize your needs, talking yourself out of opportunities, and putting up with disrespect. And, sometimes, this may happen unconsciously, meaning you are not even aware of the ways that you are self-sabotaging.

    So what can you do differently today to enhance your self-esteem?


    Step 1: Keep A Record Of Your Thoughts

    Pay attention to how you speak to and about yourself. Are your thoughts positive or negative? Are your thoughts empowering or disempowering? You can divide your sheet into two columns. In one column, record the positive thoughts, in the other, record the negative thoughts. This exercise will help you gain insight about the thoughts that are maintaining your low self-esteem and making it worse.


    Step 2: Notice And Name Your Thoughts

    When you complete step one, proceed to step two. Notice your thoughts without judging them. Say this, “I have a thought that I am not worthy.” Pay attention to how stating this thought out loud makes you feel. Thoughts have a direct effect on emotions and behavior. Record that in your journal. This recording will help you keep track of your progress.


    Step 3: Question These Thoughts

    What evidence is there to suggest that you are unworthy? List everything down as exhaustively as possible. Once you are down, create a list of the evidence that exists to suggest your are not unworthy. For some, this exercise will help. For others, it will reveal deep wounds and trauma/s that require a professional to help them process and find healing. If this sounds like you, you can book your session by clicking the link below.

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    Step 4: Un-identify And Distance Yourself From The Negative Thoughts

    Step four is the last step in this process. It involves un-identifying and distancing yourself from the negative thoughts. You say, “I am not this distortion that my thoughts are telling me that I am. I can let the thought that I am unworthy go.” Then take a deep intentional breath and exhale. Keep repeating this every time you experience a negative thought. Overtime, you will gain more control over your thought and cultivate a positive mental experience.


    Conclusion

    In conclusion, this article teaches you how to effectively manage the presenting issue(low self-esteem). To experience lasting change, it is important to identify the root cause of your low self-esteem. In addition, these steps are not a one-time thing. For you to rewire your brain and integrate this new way of life into your system, you will need to consistently practice these steps.

  • What To Do If You Are Feeling Overwhelmed Right Now

    What To Do If You Are Feeling Overwhelmed Right Now

    What To Do If You AFeel Overwhelmed Right Now

    A woman feeling overwhelmed
    A woman feeling overwhelmed by life

    The year is almost coming to an end and you have barely had a minute to yourself. From family, to church, to work, to personal goals, you’ve had to carry it all. And right now it feels like everything is weighing you down. You are exhausted and you need a break, but you can’t stop. Everyone’s counting on you. If this feels like you, this article presents practical techniques that you can use to regain a sense of calmness and enhance your emotional wellbeing.

    Identify The Cause

    You cannot manage what you are not aware of. Take a few minutes to reflect on everything that is going on in your life right now. What area of your life are you struggling with right now? What is making it difficult for you to cope well? What would make life less exhausting for you? Who can make life less exhausting for you? Make sure to be as specific as possible in your exploration.

    Regulate

    Find something that soothes you and relieves any stress or tension you may have. You can experiment with a number of activities to find the one that feels most pleasurable for you. Some commonly used methods include: taking a warm or a cold bath, drinking a cup of your favorite tea, engaging in breathwork, meditating, journaling, and taking a walk.

    Evaluate Your Current Coping Mechanisms

    We all have different ways of coping with challenges. Some are maladaptive, while others are adaptive. Maladaptive ways of coping are self destructive. They include things like binge drinking, smoking, impulse shopping, and overeating. Adaptive ways are those that help us cope well with a difficult situation. For example, talking to a friend, seeking therapy, journaling, painting, or drawing. Think of how you are coping with your current situation. Are your methods adaptive or maladaptive? Maladaptive coping mechanisms tend to worsen the situation. If your current coping mechanisms are maladaptive, create an exhaustive list of these mechanisms and for each, identify a healthy way of coping that you can replace it with.

    Breathe

    Breathwork is a very powerful technique that you can use to regulate your nervous system and restore a sense of calmness in your life. While there are numerous types of breathwork, my personal favorite is taking three deep intentional breaths while making the exhales longer than the inhales. If you do not feel relaxed after taking the three deep breaths, you can continue until you experience a sense of relief. Please note that this is not a one-time thing. It is something you practice consistently every time you are feeling overwhelmed.

    Intentionally Schedule Time To Rest

    Rest is not something we must earn. It is something we must create time for in order to relax and recharge. If you are constantly overworking yourself and not taking time to rest, you are exposing yourself to productivity and health issues. The irony is that these issues could cost you the very things you are working so hard to maintain, and could be the reason you are feeling overwhelmed.

    Conclusion

    Our bodies are always communicating with us through our emotions. When we learn to listen to our bodies, we become better equipped to tackle the challenges of daily life. Our bodies tell us when we are biting more than we can chew or when we need extra support from our loved ones or colleagues. Sometimes we need to look within us to identify the things that are creating and maintaining our emotional difficulties.

  • Your Tendency To Overgive May Be A Warning Sign You Should Not Ignore

    Your Tendency To Overgive May Be A Warning Sign You Should Not Ignore

    Your Tendency To Overgive May Be A Warning Sign You Should Not Ignore

    We live in a society that prioritizes taking care of others. From a tender age, we are taught how to tend to others and make sure the people around us are okay. Nobody takes the time to teach us how to take care of ourselves. As a result, many people grow up feeling like prioritizing their needs is selfish. And so, they keep giving. But sooner than later, they realize that they have given so much of themselves that they feel empty and drained. This can create feelings of bitterness and resentment, which may manifest as anger issues and dissatisfaction with life in general. Here are some of the warning signs to look out for:

    Feeling Obliged To Give

    Giving is a personal choice. It is not something that is required of you if you are not willing or able. If you notice that you tend to give even when you know you will not have enough left for yourself, then that is a problem. Sometimes you may feel compelled to give so as not to disappoint others. This is also problematic because you are not giving out of the kindness of your heart. You are giving to sustain a relationship, which is not okay. Think about it, what will happen when you have nothing left to give? Durable relationships are formed on the basis of genuine interest. People who are genuinely interested in you will care about you as a person, not the things you are giving to keep them in your life.

    Feeling Angry At The World And The People Around You

    When you are used to overgiving, people get used to receiving from you. Some may even start to feel like it is their right to receive things from you. They may not care whether you are struggling or not. When you are not in a position to give anything, you may notice a change in people’s behavior. They may start avoiding or disrespecting you, and conflicts may increase. To avoid these negative outcomes, you may feel compelled to give so the relationship can go back to normal.

    Over time, you may start feeling like people are using and taking advantage of you. But even with this realization, you may feel helpless that you cannot do anything to change your circumstances. Consequently, you become angry at the world, and sometimes you may not even know what is making you angry. You begin to feel unhappy within your relationships and you may start to blame the people around you for your unhappiness.

    Needing Other People To Make You Happy

    Some people spend their entire lives taking care of those around them while neglecting themselves. Subconsciously, they may expect the same in return, but that is not always the case. This may leave them feeling disappointed and unappreciated. You do not know who you are outside of your relationships, so you overgive your time because spending time by yourself feels uncomfortable or boring. You are running away from a void that, in your mind, only other people can fill.

    Conclusion

    We are social beings and we cannot exist in a vacuum. Therefore, we need to strike a balance between taking care of ourselves and tending to others. If you struggle with overgiving, you can start working on this issue by setting healthy boundaries that prevent you from neglecting yourself while taking care of the people around you. If you would like to explore this issue further and find a lasting solution, you can book your therapy session below.

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  • Anger Management: Understanding Anger As A Normal Human Emotion

    Anger Management: Understanding Anger As A Normal Human Emotion

    Anger is a normal human emotion, and we all feel angry at some point. It can occur when we feel disappointed, betrayed, disrespected, invalidated, rejected, or mistreated. Some people find it hard to manage their anger in a manner that does not cause harm. For example, they can easily get into fights when angry, punch walls, lash out on others, harm themselves, or act irrationally in a way that puts them or others at risk. Therefore, it is important to take control of your anger and ensure that you are able to respond to situations instead of reacting to them.

    If you do not manage your emotions, your emotions will manage you. In this article I will explain some steps that you can take to ensure you are able to manage your anger effectively. The first step is to respond, not react. If you are someone who struggles with anger management, it is likely that you tend to act on the first urge that comes up during confrontations. When you act on this urge, you are reacting. So the next time you find yourself in this situation, make a conscious effort to refrain from acting on the urge to do something harmful because you are angry. You may want to leave that environment and return later when you are calm and your anger has subsided.

    The second step is to find a way to express your anger in a healthy manner. You can go for a walk or a run, journal, talk to a friend or a loved one, cry, workout, or take some deep breaths. Avoid suppressing your anger as it may come out later in “uglier ways”. Allow yourself to feel your anger, even if it is uncomfortable, then let it out so that it does not continue affecting you.

    The third step involves evaluating the situation to identify practical solutions. For example, if you work in an overly toxic place and you find yourself getting angry everyday, you would need to consider if a change of environment would be ideal. Some of your options could include a transfer to a different branch, remaining in the same branch, resigning and looking for a better job, or even starting a business. You would need to identify all your options and choose the one that’s most ideal for you. Sometimes you may benefit from learning a skill like how to be more assertive or how to set and implement healthy boundaries to enhance your overall work experience.

    Conclusion


    Learning to manage anger is not about suppressing your emotions or never feeling angry. It is about developing the skills to pause, understand what you are feeling, express it in healthy ways, and approach difficult situations with greater control and clarity. If you are struggling to manage your anger and want to get to the root of your anger and learn practical anger management skills that can help you respond more effectively, therapy can provide the support and guidance you need. Book a session today, and let’s get started on the process.

  • What To Do If You Cannot Stop Overthinking

    What To Do If You Cannot Stop Overthinking

    Megan (not her actual name) walked into my office visibly upset and frustrated. As soon as she sat down, she said tearfully, “I cannot get a break! I just keep thinking and thinking until I cannot think anymore and I end up sleeping to avoid overthinking. But immediately I wake up, the thinking picks up. What do I do? Please help me! I’m tired!”

    After holding space for Megan to express herself, I helped her regulate. Afterward, we began exploring the overthinking in detail to identify causal and maintaining factors. We established that Megan’s overthinking was her way of avoiding mistakes and ensuring that she does everything perfectly. Megan had set an unattainable standard for herself that was practically impossible to accomplish despite her efforts.

    With this realization, Megan knew what she needed to do to minimize her overthinking. But this was not sufficient on its own. I needed to equip her with the skills to reduce the overthinking as she worked towards resolving the root cause. The first step was for Megan to label the overthinking immediately it starts.

    Every time Megan started overthinking, she would say, “I am overthinking.” Then she would shift her attention from her thoughts to the here and now. For this part, we used a grounding technique of her choice: she chose to take a very cold bottle of water and hold it for some time. This activity helped interrupt the overthinking.

    Lastly, Megan assessed whether her thinking (in that present moment) was helpful. Were her thoughts helping or making things worse? In this case, she established that they were making things worse, so she made a conscious effort to stop overthinking. And just like any other type of change, it took consistency and intentional effort for Megan to reduce her overthinking.

    If you relate to Megan’s experience and find yourself caught in cycles of overthinking, you don’t have to navigate it alone. Therapy can help you understand what may be contributing to your overthinking and develop strategies that are tailored to your unique situation. If you would like support, you are welcome to book a session and we can explore your experiences together.

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