Unbound Mind Therapy And Wellness

Psychotherapy and counseling in a safe supportive space for healing and growth

Author: Harriet Maina

  • Read This If You Have Low Self-Esteem

    Read This If You Have Low Self-Esteem

    Read This If You Have Low Self-Esteem

    Low self-esteem is often the presenting problem of a deeper issue, whose roots are very deeply embedded into a person’s internal system. Nobody is born with low self-esteem. It is often a person’s environment and life experiences that makes people develop a low sense of self worth. For example, bullying, multiple breakups, negative body image, rejection or abandonment by a caregiver or a loved one, comparison, and challenging life experiences like unemployment.

    Low self-esteem is exacerbated and maintained by the relationship we have with ourselves. When you wake up in the morning, what do you tell yourself? When you go to bed, what do you tell yourself about the day you just had? “You are such an embarrassment!” “Oh, you look horrible as always!” “You will never amount to anything!” “You’re so dumb! No wonder you can’t keep a job!” “You are unworthy!” “Nobody will ever love you!”

    The thing about the human brain is that it amplifies whatever inputs you consistently give it. If you keep telling yourself you are unworthy, your brain is going to keep giving you evidence to support your beliefs. But is this really evidence that you are unworthy? Absolutely not.

    You see, if you believe you are unworthy, you are likely going to present yourself as someone who is. For instance, always sitting at the back of the room to avoid being noticed, being too sacred to voice your opinions, failing to prioritize your needs, talking yourself out of opportunities, and putting up with disrespect. And, sometimes, this may happen unconsciously, meaning you are not even aware of the ways that you are self-sabotaging.

    So what can you do differently today to enhance your self-esteem?


    Step 1: Keep A Record Of Your Thoughts

    Pay attention to how you speak to and about yourself. Are your thoughts positive or negative? Are your thoughts empowering or disempowering? You can divide your sheet into two columns. In one column, record the positive thoughts, in the other, record the negative thoughts. This exercise will help you gain insight about the thoughts that are maintaining your low self-esteem and making it worse.


    Step 2: Notice And Name Your Thoughts

    When you complete step one, proceed to step two. Notice your thoughts without judging them. Say this, “I have a thought that I am not worthy.” Pay attention to how stating this thought out loud makes you feel. Thoughts have a direct effect on emotions and behavior. Record that in your journal. This recording will help you keep track of your progress.


    Step 3: Question These Thoughts

    What evidence is there to suggest that you are unworthy? List everything down as exhaustively as possible. Once you are down, create a list of the evidence that exists to suggest your are not unworthy. For some, this exercise will help. For others, it will reveal deep wounds and trauma/s that require a professional to help them process and find healing. If this sounds like you, you can book your session by clicking the link below.

    Book Your Session


    Step 4: Un-identify And Distance Yourself From The Negative Thoughts

    Step four is the last step in this process. It involves un-identifying and distancing yourself from the negative thoughts. You say, “I am not this distortion that my thoughts are telling me that I am. I can let the thought that I am unworthy go.” Then take a deep intentional breath and exhale. Keep repeating this every time you experience a negative thought. Overtime, you will gain more control over your thought and cultivate a positive mental experience.


    Conclusion

    In conclusion, this article teaches you how to effectively manage the presenting issue(low self-esteem). To experience lasting change, it is important to identify the root cause of your low self-esteem. In addition, these steps are not a one-time thing. For you to rewire your brain and integrate this new way of life into your system, you will need to consistently practice these steps.

  • What To Do If You Are Feeling Overwhelmed Right Now

    What To Do If You Are Feeling Overwhelmed Right Now

    What To Do If You AFeel Overwhelmed Right Now

    A woman feeling overwhelmed
    A woman feeling overwhelmed by life

    The year is almost coming to an end and you have barely had a minute to yourself. From family, to church, to work, to personal goals, you’ve had to carry it all. And right now it feels like everything is weighing you down. You are exhausted and you need a break, but you can’t stop. Everyone’s counting on you. If this feels like you, this article presents practical techniques that you can use to regain a sense of calmness and enhance your emotional wellbeing.

    Identify The Cause

    You cannot manage what you are not aware of. Take a few minutes to reflect on everything that is going on in your life right now. What area of your life are you struggling with right now? What is making it difficult for you to cope well? What would make life less exhausting for you? Who can make life less exhausting for you? Make sure to be as specific as possible in your exploration.

    Regulate

    Find something that soothes you and relieves any stress or tension you may have. You can experiment with a number of activities to find the one that feels most pleasurable for you. Some commonly used methods include: taking a warm or a cold bath, drinking a cup of your favorite tea, engaging in breathwork, meditating, journaling, and taking a walk.

    Evaluate Your Current Coping Mechanisms

    We all have different ways of coping with challenges. Some are maladaptive, while others are adaptive. Maladaptive ways of coping are self destructive. They include things like binge drinking, smoking, impulse shopping, and overeating. Adaptive ways are those that help us cope well with a difficult situation. For example, talking to a friend, seeking therapy, journaling, painting, or drawing. Think of how you are coping with your current situation. Are your methods adaptive or maladaptive? Maladaptive coping mechanisms tend to worsen the situation. If your current coping mechanisms are maladaptive, create an exhaustive list of these mechanisms and for each, identify a healthy way of coping that you can replace it with.

    Breathe

    Breathwork is a very powerful technique that you can use to regulate your nervous system and restore a sense of calmness in your life. While there are numerous types of breathwork, my personal favorite is taking three deep intentional breaths while making the exhales longer than the inhales. If you do not feel relaxed after taking the three deep breaths, you can continue until you experience a sense of relief. Please note that this is not a one-time thing. It is something you practice consistently every time you are feeling overwhelmed.

    Intentionally Schedule Time To Rest

    Rest is not something we must earn. It is something we must create time for in order to relax and recharge. If you are constantly overworking yourself and not taking time to rest, you are exposing yourself to productivity and health issues. The irony is that these issues could cost you the very things you are working so hard to maintain, and could be the reason you are feeling overwhelmed.

    Conclusion

    Our bodies are always communicating with us through our emotions. When we learn to listen to our bodies, we become better equipped to tackle the challenges of daily life. Our bodies tell us when we are biting more than we can chew or when we need extra support from our loved ones or colleagues. Sometimes we need to look within us to identify the things that are creating and maintaining our emotional difficulties.

  • Your Tendency To Overgive May Be A Warning Sign You Should Not Ignore

    Your Tendency To Overgive May Be A Warning Sign You Should Not Ignore

    Your Tendency To Overgive May Be A Warning Sign You Should Not Ignore

    We live in a society that prioritizes taking care of others. From a tender age, we are taught how to tend to others and make sure the people around us are okay. Nobody takes the time to teach us how to take care of ourselves. As a result, many people grow up feeling like prioritizing their needs is selfish. And so, they keep giving. But sooner than later, they realize that they have given so much of themselves that they feel empty and drained. This can create feelings of bitterness and resentment, which may manifest as anger issues and dissatisfaction with life in general. Here are some of the warning signs to look out for:

    Feeling Obliged To Give

    Giving is a personal choice. It is not something that is required of you if you are not willing or able. If you notice that you tend to give even when you know you will not have enough left for yourself, then that is a problem. Sometimes you may feel compelled to give so as not to disappoint others. This is also problematic because you are not giving out of the kindness of your heart. You are giving to sustain a relationship, which is not okay. Think about it, what will happen when you have nothing left to give? Durable relationships are formed on the basis of genuine interest. People who are genuinely interested in you will care about you as a person, not the things you are giving to keep them in your life.

    Feeling Angry At The World And The People Around You

    When you are used to overgiving, people get used to receiving from you. Some may even start to feel like it is their right to receive things from you. They may not care whether you are struggling or not. When you are not in a position to give anything, you may notice a change in people’s behavior. They may start avoiding or disrespecting you, and conflicts may increase. To avoid these negative outcomes, you may feel compelled to give so the relationship can go back to normal.

    Over time, you may start feeling like people are using and taking advantage of you. But even with this realization, you may feel helpless that you cannot do anything to change your circumstances. Consequently, you become angry at the world, and sometimes you may not even know what is making you angry. You begin to feel unhappy within your relationships and you may start to blame the people around you for your unhappiness.

    Needing Other People To Make You Happy

    Some people spend their entire lives taking care of those around them while neglecting themselves. Subconsciously, they may expect the same in return, but that is not always the case. This may leave them feeling disappointed and unappreciated. You do not know who you are outside of your relationships, so you overgive your time because spending time by yourself feels uncomfortable or boring. You are running away from a void that, in your mind, only other people can fill.

    Conclusion

    We are social beings and we cannot exist in a vacuum. Therefore, we need to strike a balance between taking care of ourselves and tending to others. If you struggle with overgiving, you can start working on this issue by setting healthy boundaries that prevent you from neglecting yourself while taking care of the people around you. If you would like to explore this issue further and find a lasting solution, you can book your therapy session below.

    Book Your Session

  • Suicide Prevention: What To Do If Your Loved One Says They’re Going To Kill Themselves

    Suicide Prevention: What To Do If Your Loved One Says They’re Going To Kill Themselves

    Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Even if a problem feels unbearable, please talk to someone you trust as it can make a difference. Avoid isolating yourself, either physically or mentally, as this can intensify distress and suicidal thoughts.

    Do Not Ignore Their Claims

    If your loved one says they are going to kill themselves, do not take it lightly. Immediately initiate a conversation to identify why they want to kill themselves. Listen calmly without rushing to give advice. Do not judge them or blame them for having suicidal thoughts. Focus on understanding the root of the problem so you can help them explore alternative options to solve their problem.

    Do Not Make It About Yourself

    When caregivers hear that their child is considering suicide, they may try to stop them by emphasizing how their actions could affect the family. For example, you may say, “Why are you doing this to us?” or “This is unfair to us.” A person contemplating suicide may interpret these responses as a sign that you do not care about them or understand how much they are struggling. This may increase their distress or suicidal thoughts.

    Instead, focus on your loved one and help them feel seen and understood. Verbally express your willingness to support them through the crisis and and let them know they can reach out to you whenever things feel overwhelming and they need someone to talk to.

    Seek Professional Support

    Thoughts about suicide may signal an underlying problem like depression or trauma, that only a mental health professional can tackle. Getting your loved one timely support can protect their life and prevent them from committing suicide.

    It is best to involve your loved one in decisions about their care whenever possible, except in situations where the risk is severe or immediate. You can start by asking them if they would be comfortable speaking with a professional who can help them. If they say no, help them understand why it is important for them to get professional help. When people understand the importance of something rather than feeling forced to do it, they are more likely to be willing to engage.

  • Are You Feeling Anxious About Starting Therapy?

    Are You Feeling Anxious About Starting Therapy?

    Feeling anxious before your first therapy session is a normal and common part of the process. It is understandable that you may feel this way. You are meeting your therapist for the first time and you may wonder what your experience will be like. You may wonder if they will be warm and friendly, what type of questions they will ask you, how you may feel about the questions and anything else that comes up, and whether they will really understand you and what you are going through.

    A good therapist knows that this is a likely occurrence and they often prepare in advance to help you feel comfortable and regulated during your session. You can always let them know how you feel throughout your session so they can help you regulate yourself. Before your session, you can take a series of deep breaths prior to leaving your house or before getting into the therapy office if your anxiety intensifies. Engaging your senses through things like sipping some water or smelling a nice scent can also help you remain grounded during your session.

    You should not feel judged or unsupported by a therapist at any point of your therapy journey. Anxiety is a normal emotion and everybody has experienced it at some point in their lives. It is not something to be ashamed or guilty of. It is simply an emotion that can be managed using various techniques that activate your parasympathetic nervous system to facilitate relaxation and calmness. Try to refrain from fighting your anxiety in the present moment as that often intensifies it and elicits greater emotional and physical distress.

    If you are someone who struggles with anxiety, therapy can help you address underlying causes and equip you with customized tools to manage your anxiety.

  • 5 Things To Know When Taking Care of A Loved One With An Addiction Problem

    5 Things To Know When Taking Care of A Loved One With An Addiction Problem

    1. Addiction is a Disease of the Brain

    There is a difference between someone who chooses to have a drink or use a drug and one who is addicted to it. When someone is addicted, any trigger (people, places, or things) can create and intensify the urge to use the drug. People also experience intense cravings to take alcohol or use the drug. Others may have withdrawal symptoms like trembling fingers or sweating which resolve after they consume alcohol. Rehabilitation is recommended for people struggling with addiction because it provides holistic treatment.

    2. Relapse is Possible Even After Treatment

    Many family members hope their loved ones fully recover after rehabilitation. However, they eventually realize that recovering addicts can relapse and they may be readmitted several times before fully recovering. You see, rehab is a controlled environment. In most cases, there no drugs available, cravings are managed effectively, detoxification is done, people start therapy to address underlying problems, and they consume a lot of recovery-oriented content including psychoeducation and recovery films/videos.

    When people leave the rehabilitation centers, they are confronted by the reality of their disease. Now they have to put the things they learnt into practice. Avoiding people, places, and things could mean changing the friendships they had and moving to a new place, which in reality, may not be the easiest thing to do. Some may not even have the means or support to make these changes, which makes it much harder. These hardships could create a sense of helplessness and cause people to abandon their recovery attempts.

    Studies reveal that over 60% of people recovering from addiction relapse within 12 months (Mao et al., 2024)

    It is important to be patient and supportive with your loved one to enhance their chances of sustained sobriety. Encourage them to keep attending AA meetings and apply the things they learnt in rehab. Caregivers should be duly informed about this risk during family therapy sessions.

    3. Take Care of Yourself Too

    Sometimes caregivers may experience emotional and physical burnout. You are constantly worried about your loved one wondering what they will do next. Some people may struggle with shame or guilt associated with the actions of their loved ones. In extreme cases, this may lead to withdrawal, which makes it difficult for others to support them. Over time, caregivers may start getting migraines, ulcers, high blood pressure, and other diseases related to chronic stress. Therefore, it is important that caregivers prioritize their own self care, which should address different aspects of their lives (physical, social, psychological).

    It Is Okay to Not Be Okay

    There are times when you may feel defeated. You have tried everything you can to help your loved one, but you are not getting the desired results. Every time they relapse it hurts even more. You may question yourself, wondering why it is your loved one that has to suffer from this disease. You tell yourself, “I have to be strong.” But the reality is that you cannot always be the strong one in the room. It is okay to check in with yourself as well. How are you feeling? What support do you need? Who can provide this support? How can you take care of yourself to avoid getting into a crisis? It is okay to cry, it is okay to feel sad, and it is even okay to take time to yourself to process everything you have been going through.

    5. Therapy Can Help You Cope Better

    In some cases, caregivers may lack proper avenues to cope with the challenges associated with caring for a loved one with an addiction problem. Some may not be able to talk to their friends or family members about what they are going through. Therapy provides an avenue for stress relief, learning effective ways of caring for your loved ones and yourself, resolving guilt and shame (if present), and experiencing emotional support in a safe and confidential space.

    Reach out today if you are struggling to cope with your loved one’s addiction. You do not have to go through this alone.

Powered by CookieAdmin